April 2004 Archives
This April marks ten years since I came out in 1994. I was 17 years old and had been struggling with coming out to myself for too long. Coming out was probably one of the most defining times in my life. I can’t imagine having been in the closet for the past decade. Life would have been so drastically different had I not been open about who I am. I'm glad that I came out when I did, and that I grew in so many ways from the experience.
So what does Ohio do when gas prices skyrocket? Ohio makes them higher by adding more taxes to them! I just read that in July Ohio will raise the gas tax another 2¢. They say it's to help pay for Ohio's infrastructure. I suppose this is another part of Bush's tax cut... but what do I know.
(source: States to raise taxes on gas )
It snowed today. Almost May and it snowed. Interesting seeing the open tulips with the snow on the ground. I should have taken a picture. Of course it had to be cold and snowy on my day off.
There were dark clouds overhead while the sun shone in from the west. Light rain fell from above while a sunset painted the sky. This dichotomy in weather must have affected the customers in the store too, because some were exceptionally nice while others were simply nasty.
Two people yelled at me today at the service desk. The first - I have to include this. A fellow blogger friend of mine put it this way - "It's like once she decided we weren't going to do anything for her, she thought she'd just raise her voice to show that she meant business." Seriously, we were both so mad we could have reached across the desk as she yelled ridiculousness at us, while at the same time we wanted to just laugh in her face. She claimed that if she went anywhere else with her old receipt they would give her money back, and that it wasn't her fault that the person who gave her the gift didn't give her the receipt in time. As she was being rather nasty, I commented that it wasn't my fault either. The second woman didn't really yell, but she went on and on after I had explained several times that I was unable to return something that was purchased 9 months ago. She just couldn't understand why... Oh, and we musn't forget the stranger who gave a cashier an invitation to an adult toy party that read "Good men are hard to find. TOYS AREN'T!!!!"
On the flip side, a woman commented how nice it was to shop somewhere that the people actually care. Very heartwarming sentiment. Another mentioned how helpful we were.
Rain and sun...
The "Pink Posse" is the latest development on the most recent episode of Queer as Folk. The concept was introduced but not a whole lot was said about what exactly the "Posse" was going to do. I gleamed from the bit they did say that they were going to patrol/protect the streets of Liberty Ave. (the gay neighborhood of town). It stemmed from yet another gay bashing where a young man was beaten senseless. The folks there are getting tired of the police seemingly (realistically) doing nothing so they're ready to take matters into their own hands. I worry though that this is going to become violent, and from the preview of the next episode it would seem that may be the turn it takes. Instead of gay bashing it will turn into straight bashing. Violence only begets more violence, and escalation isn't the goal here.
It's interesting that this has come up on one of my favorite TV programs. I've often wondered what the world would look like if queer folks or religious zealots were more impatient about civil rights vs. "morality" and things became violent. When people are pushed around constantly, both physically and mentally, civility wears thin. When I hear about the most recent erosion of equality I've found myself at times so livid I could tear a Martha Stewart magazine to bits and feel no better. Seriously, you back an animal into a corner and it may bite. At times it seems that people are getting so mad about queer issues that taking up arms seems only a step away. Luckily everyone comes to their senses...
We all have our ways of releasing our anger and stress. I've found an outlet here. Some persue legal redress, some work for political action, others simply let it go. While I wouldn't want to see a violent conflict, Martin Luther King Jr. demostrated that things can be done in forceful yet peaceful ways. I wouldn't be adverse to participating...
I don't believe in violence as a means to an end. I don't approve of the war in Iraq, I don't approve of abortion clinic bombings, and I don't approve of vigilante justice. Not to say I never see things from a different perspective, but I never want to see my struggle for equality denegrate into a bloody one.
So a few words to describe work last night.
throw up, poo, vomit, dead-like woman, bloody money
Certainly looking forward to work tonight.
So another state is joining the ranks of Virginia as being worse than Ohio. Michigan's legislature is working on a bill that would prevent doctors from having to treat gay people. They will be allowed to object to treating the person based on "moral, ethical or religious grounds." Maybe it's for the best though eh? I wouldn't want my doctor to be an ignorant, dimwitted bigot. Might try shock treatment. Then there's the thought that perhaps somewhere, a gay doctor will refuse to treat a Catholic based on religious and moral conflicts. Wouldn't that be ironic?
Now what I don't understand is why a doctor would be morally objected to treating a gay person. Don't they take an oath to heal the sick? So if they refuse to treat someone who is sick, are they not breaking that oath? I think at that point they are a politician, no longer a doctor. And what makes it immoral to treat a gay person? No one is asking the doctor to have sex with the patient - as a matter of fact I think that's already illegal. Where in religion does it say that a doctor should not treat another human being who is ill? Isn't that what Jesus did? And what kind of ethics does it take to think that one person's self-righteousness should take precidence over another person's health? This is truly becoming a sick and twisted society.
At the heart of this drama is the Michigan Catholic Conference. Their very own bigot for public policy said this was a victory for religious freedom. Actually it's a free ticket for discrimination, and a slippery slope to hellish problems. I mean who's next after gays? On the Michigan CC website it states that their mission is to "identify needs in areas of morality, health, welfare... civil rights, and determine ways to meet those needs." I guess if a few of those conflict, like civil rights, healthcare, and morality just throw the whole thing out the window. Yeah, way to improve health care is to not treat gay people. Yeah, that solves the morality problem. But whoops - then there's civil rights. Ahh.. who cares, right? Later in their Policy statement it reads: "The Catholic community brings to the public debate its rich tradition of service to the poor, education of the young, and care for the sick in its pursuit of a just society." Dear God, they're a bit off course. Maybe they should insert "oppression of minorities" and "influencing government bodies." I have some Christian friends who would be so ashamed...
(sources: Michigan Preparing To Let Doctors Refuse To Treat Gays, Michigan Catholic Conference website)
News that the state of Virginia is stripping gay couples of ALL RIGHTS is on the web today. Apparently their message is to gays and lesbians to just go ahead and leave. The bill that has just passed there, the Marriage Affirmation Act (HB 751), will likely prevent gay couples from having basic things like a medical power of attorney and estate planning rights. So if your partner is in the hospital dying, a gay Virginian will have no say in what happens, let alone be able to see that person. Those who provide health insurance for their partner - no more.
The author of the bill, Robert Marshall, R., says this bill is only limited to things like civil unions and similar institutions, but the wording of the bill seems a bit broader. It makes illegal any "partnership contract or other arrangements that purport to provide the benefits of marriage." I would say that is so sweeping it can be interprested to mean a myriad of things. If I lived in Virginia I think I would be considering moving. Even in Ohio where we had one of the worst DOMAs ever created, we can still draft our own protections. (since the State certainly won't help protect our right, thank you Mr. Taft) Virginia's DOMA has such a sweeping meaning it may as well be labeled the "Gays get out of Virgina" Act. How much worse can it get?
(sources: Virginia takes away gay partner rights, Postcards From Nowhere)
Bigots hide behind many names and rhetoric, and many are unrealized ones. Once again I am going to respond to some points made by a reader who wrote to the Akron Beacon Journal. I will not post the name here, but I include a link to the ABJ as reference just as I do any news story on which I comment. This man makes yet another flawed argument against same-sex marriage that made my skin want to crawl. And so I pick it to pieces here, and for good reason. For all those who suffer in some way because they do not have the same rights or equality as others, I cannot let this one slide by. If this is truely the voice of a tolerant person, God have mercy on humanity.
The title of his letter to the paper is "Slippery Slope of Gay Marriage." At first I thought he was going to delve into the usual rhetoric of polygamy, incest, and beastiality. No, he is better than that. He speaks about how most Americans aren't "intolerant, homophobic or simply against loving relationships." He says he thinks gay people should be allowed to make their choice, but he says it is wrong to make it a formal, legal arrangement. Here's why:
1) "liabilities within our cultural and legal system that boggle the imagination"
2) lawsuits that will "rock the moral foundation of this country."
3) schools required to teach about alternative lifestyles
4) forcing of something unnatural on the American public
5) he somehow insinuates that hetero Americans will have to pay some "bill"
I've forgotten to mention the aguably hateful rhetoric that he uses by way of insinuation and quotation marks, apparently trying to make himself sound like less of a bigot by making his remarks seem factual. First his use of the word "choice" is ridiculous - how many times do we have to make the argument that being gay is not a choice anymore than being straight is. Of course he brings up God (as if we are a theocracy) and being realists about the GLBT community having this ulterior motive or "agenda." He says he are "continually expanding and twisting laws to suit their own agendas and beliefs while expanding their client base of so called 'victims' and perceived discrimination." "so called victims?" "perceived discrimination?" Please... He then goes on to make the tie between gay marriage and teaching children in school. If you read his letter, it is a bit of a stretch. I bet the same arguement was made when black and white couples weren't allowed to marry.
Now we will more closely examine his rhetoric:
I'm reading that this is a historic day - one in which a legislative group voted in favor of same-sex marriage. It's not a huge step, but it's one step anyway. The Marriage License Nondiscrimination Act (AB 1967) was approved by the Judiaciary Committee and will move forward to Appropriations. I'm not that familair with all the steps a bill takes before making it to the floor for a vote, but I hope there aren't too many hurdles. It would be nice if it would at least make it for a vote. Apparently the vote in the JC was along party lines - 8 democrats against 3 GOPers. I'm disliking the republicans more and more each day... I wonder why.
I very much hope that Californians will see this bill pass. It would be a wonderful day for queer people out there and all over the country. We'll get there eventually, baby steps at a time. Apparently equality takes time...
(source: Marriage equality bill moves ahead in Calif.)
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I can't say the entire evening was insane, but there was a good fifteen minutes when I thought I might just lose it. It started when I walked up to a woman who was about to check out. She asked if I could check a price on a laundry hamper, so I of course obliged. I picked the item up and something came out and spilled all over the front of my shirt. I must have stood there for a second with a look of surprise on my face until she exclaimed "It's just water!" Apparently, her child had poured water into this laundry hamper. No apology, no warning, just "It's only water!" Whatever.. moments later I get a call for a manager to the service desk. Yeah, so now I get to go over there to speak with someone looking all professional with water all over the front of my shirt.
So this other lady at the service desk has this really odd return, and to keep it simple there was nothing I could do to help her, but she still wanted something done about it. I went to return it, but she said she had just thrown her receipt out and could someone go retrieve it from the garbage can outside. Oh my goodness! WHAT?? I'm thinking, you threw it it there, you go get it. But no, I was exasperated already and so plodded out to find it. One of my peers was out there and she looked at me like what on earth are you doing. As I explained while thrashing through the trash can, I stepped on a piece of gum which then decided to stick to my shoe. Now I'm wet, digging through the trash, and stuck to the ground. Joy of joys.
On another note, I started tutoring today. I was with a 3rd grader who was quite funny. The words of wisdom of the day as told to me by my student: "Sometimes when your tummy is upset, you just have to poo." Words to live by...
Today started with a warm breeze blowing into the bedroom while the sun shone through the blinds. What a wonderful Saturday morning to wake up to! We decided to spend the majority of the day getting supplies for and working on the fish pond in the backyard. At the stone place we bought 235lbs of flagstone to edge the pond. It may sound like a lot, but I guess a few stones add up pretty quickly. We have to go back tomorrow to get a few more pieces. We got things moving along pretty well today, and I'm sure we'll do some more tomorrow. Really enjoying this beautiful weekend!
After the sun went down and some Spring showers came up we sat down to watch The Matrix: Revolutions on DVD. I was a big fan of the first Matrix, but the last two just didn't seem as good. I mean they're all exceptional movies, but they just don't flow together like the first one. And I'm still trying to figure out the ending of Revolutions.
I'm going to continue to enjoy this weekend as tomorrow promises to be just as beautiful as today. Not thinking about work, politics, etc. We'll have some more of that Monday. Until then the ulcers and headaches stay away!
Right about now I am thankful that I bought a fuel efficient car. I just paid $1.80 for gas - that was $17.36 to tank up my car. Good thing it's getting about 37mpg. (Yay Saturn!) I know we've been spoiled here in the US for awhile now, but that hurt. I was thinking about it, and for someone making minimum wage one would have to work for 4 hours just to fill up a gas tank, and that's assuming a smaller tank. Goodness forbid you drive one of those behemoth SUV monsters right about now.
Recently I've been frequenting a web site called akrongasprices.com to see where the cheapest gas is. You can also add prices that you come across while driving around to share with other people. It seems that there is a website for most major metropolitan areas in the US. Check it out for better prices. Of course I didn't feel like driving 40 miles to get cheaper gas this evening.
I was just watching the episode of Six Feet Under from Sunday - what an amazing show. It's not like a soap opera in that there are several story lines. There are several, but they all run on many levels. This recent episode was dealing with Nate and Lisa's relationship, and how Nate is questioning the very nature of their marriage. It seems like he just married her because she was pregnant with his child, and now things in their daily lives are starting to seem that way.
I remember having relationships that were like that. Obviously no one was pregnant and no one was married, but I dated someone for a long time and questioned the relationship more often than not. I don't doubt that I loved him, but I wondered if it was really what I wanted and if it was the "right" relationship for me. It's terrible when it's like that because eventually it begins to consume you. Little things become major events, and nuances of the relationship begin to define it. You can't enjoy the good parts of it anymore because you're always wondering what's next to make you question everything again. It's almost emotionally paralyzing, and that's what I saw in Nate tonight.
The episode also made me remember why I am so grateful for being in the relationship that I am in now. I never question it. I never wonder if I'm really in love. I never worry that something huge will happen to tear things to pieces. I never doubt his feelings for me. And I know this is something so special it is undescribable. He is truely my other half - the perfect complement, my soul mate. It's not that I have to be with him, I want to be. I'm not wearing the rose colored shades here anymore, but I can't imagine the grass being greener anywhere else. The best part is that 4 years into it, I know this is still the beginning.
I usually don't get this personal on my little blog here, and I don't really feel the need to explain why I have today. But suffice it to say that my relationship is a big part of my life - a fire for the passion I have for life. I felt the need to tell the world once.
Apparently if one does a Google search on the word "Jew" it brings up a ton of results that are anti-Jewish. This is terrible. If one wants real information the search is going to bring up a bunch of hate related crap. Unacceptable. If you have a blog, please feel free to make the same links I'm making here so that this can change.
(sources: Metafilter; The Tin Man; Normblog)
So this morning I got up and washed my car in the cold weather. It was beautiful. All hand washed, carefully got all the dirt and EGG off of my car, towel dried. I could see the reflection of things on the side of the car. Yes, my car was indeed clean, and all was good. An hour later I left for work and a construction forklift flung a bunch of dirt at my car. Well, it was clean for about an hour or so...
Tonight at work was ok. The first few hours were like the twillight zone. By the way if you go into a store and you want something from the people there, don't be snobby and tell them that you spend thousands of dollars there per month. First they probably won't believe you and second, you just sound like a snot. Kinda quiet after the initial craziness. There was something else I was going to write about, but it must have become a repressed memory...
I can't believe I forgot to mention this account of the Easter morning fun. I wasn't there personally, but I'm told by a trusted source that while our store was closed on Easter, there were about a dozen people who came to the store. Some even tried to get in. Apparently one woman walked up to the doors, stood there for a moment, then pushed on the doors to see if they would open. Um... there's a big sign that says the store is closed, not to mention the lights weren't even on in the building. Man, this is what I'm talking about when I tell you I'm dealing with the brightest people sometimes.
You may have read that about 3 weeks ago I bought a car. It's even has the temp tags still on it. Of course I obsess about cleaning it and such - nothing like my old car that was 10 years old and if it got dirty... well, it couldn't get too terribly clean. So tonight I was driving home from Easter at my parents' house and my car got egged. It scared the crap out of me because I'm just driving along one of the roads I travel on almost every day and I hear this loud bang. My first thought is that I hit something. I slammed on the brakes, turned on my hazards and was about to get out when I notice something on the passenger side window. I got out to discover egg all over the side of my car. I was pissed! I even called the sheriff, not to file a report, but hopefully so no one else would fall victim to this childish Easter-themed prank. So I had to stop at the quarter wash tonight at 9:30 to spray this egg off of my car, and of course not all of it came off. So now one will find me hand washing my car in the cold tomorrow morning. Not very happy about that...
And my Easter message to the egger, you're supposed to eat them hard boiled, not throw them raw at traffic. And really, you could have been more creative and at least colored your Easter egg, asshole.
The day before a major holiday I always seem to run into more men at the grocery store, and they're always the clueless ones. They're the men who never grocery shop who've been sent out by their spouces to get those last minute items. I ran into several of them tonight - or rather they ran into me. The first one was staring blankly at a shopping list, apparently having no idea where to start. I had to get around him in the produce section so I went to the next aisle. As I did of course he moved to the next aisle and nearly hit me with his cart. The second guy was rushing through the bakery seemingly going the wrong way through the store. He ran into me in his rush. He was cute though and actually apologized. Then there was the slow, plodding man who somehow took up an entire aisle and I could not get around him. OH! And there was even a strange man in the parking lot who stared at my boyfriend the entire time I was in the store. So they range from clueless to creepy all at the grocery store tonight.
I usually don't write much about things I watch on TV, but I just watched a rather timely and gripping episode of ER. (I TiVoed it). Kerry's partner Sandy was in an accident while fighting a fire, and was rushed to the ER where Kerry works. Ultimately after much effort to save her Sandy dies. Kerry is completely distraught - Sandy and their baby Henry were her only family. Now Sandy is gone. Later she goes to pick up her son who was with Sandy's family. Now the twist - Sandy's family won't give him back to her. They say that they are his blood relatives, and they tell her that Henry isn't there, even though she can hear him crying. I guess it's Sandy's brother who pushes her out the door and locks her out. Now she's lost her entire family in one day. I hope they had some legal documents, and she gets the family for abduction or something. Seriously, if Kerry and Sandy could have married...
... to a fellow blogger. Many blogs have popped up as people found online publishing, but few have stuck around long enough or been written well enough to become a part of the blog community. I'm happy to congratulate Wonder Boy on 2 years of blogging. Many more to come...
A few days ago I wrote an entry about images of Bush mysteriously showing up around town with the word "LIAR" under the image. Here is a photo that I took of an object along a state route nearby. The bomb has been there for quite some time.
Look closely...
Awhile back I blogged about a man who was fired from a company because he put up anti-gay religious signs at work. This was contrary to the company's diversity policy. As far as I remember he sued the company and lost. I guess a similar incident happened at AT&T where a man said he would not sign a diversity policy based on his religious beliefs. Now I suppose I can understand that, but let's delve a bit deeper here.
Apparently the diversity policy said that he had to "value" other people's behaviors and beliefs - he could not do that. Mostly it was the "homosexuals" he had a problem with. Now the legal arguements aside, what the hell? I can honestly say that I value other people's beliefs and behaviors, even ones I don't agree with. I have friends who are Christians and while I don't follow the traditions of that religion, I certainly value them and their opinions. Unless one's opinions are so poorly founded that they can't withstand another viewpoint, I don't see why someone couldn't value having another point of view around. Shoot, I value Pat Robertson's opinion if only for the fact that it bolsters my viewpoint tenfold in that his viewpoint is so extreme it's impractical to defend.
So here's what this good Christian had to say about his concerns with the policy:
"As a Christian, I love and appreciate all people regardless of their lifestyle," Buonanno said following the ruling. "But I cannot value homosexuality and any different religious beliefs. That was one of my concerns."
So basically he's making two statements in one - funny that they're contrary. So is he a good Christian or a bad Christian?
Furtermore, his legal representation had this to say:
"This was just one case among many in which employees continue to be wrongfully denied accommodation and the right to freedom of conscience because of their religious beliefs."
Many cases? Buddy, try being gay and see about being wrongfully denied accomodation and rights of freedom and liberty. I don't think that being part of the dominant religion in the country qualifies one to speak about personal discrimination. Get back to me when you've fit into my shoes and then we'll talk.
(source: Court Rules For Worker Fired After Refusing To Sign Company Diversity Policy)
The moon seems awfully bright this evening - so much so that there are shadows of the house on the lawn. I couldn't resist, and after my camera and I got over the ice crystals forming on the lens (it's 27 degrees F outside), I took about 15 shots of the moon. The moon is currently a waning gibbous moon with 86% viewable on Earth right now. This is one of the better ones.
Taken with a Sony Mavica FD97 @ F4.8, 1/500sec, EV-0.7, ISO80
I've seen this image showing up around town recently. This one is actually the second discovered here. At the corner of South Main and Caston it resides on a utility box for all to see as they turn the corner. I didn't do this myself, and I don't condone defacing public property, but this did catch my eye.
It's already that time of the year to move our clocks ahead one hour to satisfy our craving for more daylight. Here's my thought, why not just leave it for the whole year? Wouldn't we love more daylight later in the day all year long? Maybe then it just wouldn't be as novel a thing as it is each year. In the meantime, I'm up way too late because although it is 1:40 as I type this, it will be 3am very shortly. I always find it facinating to lose that hour of time, especially when one is awake while it happens. Like when I pull up the DirecTV guide and there is an hour missing. Though I've never seen two 2ams when we set the clocks back...
And may I just mention that it is snowing again. It's that wet snow and it's come down enough to block one of the transponders on the satellite dish. poo... maybe I won't get to see the missing hour. Maybe I should just go to bed anyway.
Ummm.. the power just went out. Scared the crap out of me because it went pitch black down here! So I guess I'll post this tomorrow morning. Maybe this is what happens when an hour of time dissappears!
Working in retail this season, we have a lot of things out for Easter. Many people are buying things for the Easter Bunny to leave for their children - stuffed rabbits, candy, eggs, etc. One of the things I discovered this evening was a chocolate cross. I assume being made of the scrumptious delight, it is made to be eaten. But I wonder if there's not something odd about that. I mean when I was little I always felt bad about biting the head off of the chocolate bunny that I got in my basket. But what about the method of torture and death of Jesus melting in your mouth? I'm just not sure if that's sacreligious or not. I personally am not of the Christian faith, but I do believe that a man named Jesus once lived and that many of the stories may indeed be true about his teachings. Even I find this chocolate cross a bit disconcerting. I suppose it's just another capitalistic thing that makes money for someone. Granted this is not a major issue, nor do I mean to blow this out of proportion. Just something I thought about...
Does TV advertising ever amuse or disgust you? I try to tune most of it out, but every once in awhile I see something that I just can't turn away from. It's like something that happened with my old roommate once - she saw this ugly guy and couldn't stop watching him, she said he was so ugly. But I digress.. The most recent Pepto Bismol commercial shows people doing this little dance about the things Pepto can help them with. So they rub their stomachs like it makes them feel better. THEN they grab their butt cheeks and squeeze them together because Pepto can fix diarrhea. And people worry about Janet's breast.
Then there's a certain retailer that keeps showing how they make life better for so many Americans. Yeah, that's why they keep having all those lawsuits isn't it. Also wouldn't be the piddly wages they pay their workers... Must be the smiley face.
Hal Sparks plays Michael Novotny on Showtime's Queer as Folk. He's an actor, comedian, musician, etc. When he (and the others in the cast) started on QAF I was interested to read their thoughts about playing the roles they were. I read some things that Hal Sparks had said and wasn't too impressed. One was about the 'kissing a guy is like kissing a dog' comment. However, I just read an interview with him in The Advocate and it's changed my mind about him.
Mr. Sparks has some good things to say, and it turns out he didn't mean the man/dog kissing thing literally. (it was a metaphor albeit a rather extended one I think) He had a good line about the current administration that seems to resonate with me - so simple yet so true. "George Bush is to Christianity what the Enron accountants are to capitalism. They use the laws to their advantage when they can, and when the don't, they break them." He also goes on about Bush's FMA and how it really doesn't protect the sanctity of anything. "...if gay marriage hasn't been around until now and marriage is at a 50% divorce rate, obviously gay marriage isn't the problem."
Many people, including myself, are continuously trying to change the minds of people who oppose them. If someone is anti-gay marriage, obviously I would want to change that viewpoint by educating them, etc. But Hal makes a good point that I should probably consider.
You cannot try to win everybody to your side. Don't bother, because they're not the cool guys and this is not high school. The fundamentalist Christians and the Catholic Church and the Repulicans and the Bob Jones University assholes and the Fox media guys, they're no fun to hang around with. They're mean, and you can't have a normal conversation with them. So why bother?
I don't fully agree with everything he is saying there, but it's something I should consider more often before I get all worked up. I know a lot of GLBT people get upset at all the news spin and hate rhetoric out there. I think sometimes you just have to let it go. Otherwise you end up with hemorrhoids.
