It's greener here

     I was just watching the episode of Six Feet Under from Sunday - what an amazing show. It's not like a soap opera in that there are several story lines. There are several, but they all run on many levels. This recent episode was dealing with Nate and Lisa's relationship, and how Nate is questioning the very nature of their marriage. It seems like he just married her because she was pregnant with his child, and now things in their daily lives are starting to seem that way.
     I remember having relationships that were like that. Obviously no one was pregnant and no one was married, but I dated someone for a long time and questioned the relationship more often than not. I don't doubt that I loved him, but I wondered if it was really what I wanted and if it was the "right" relationship for me. It's terrible when it's like that because eventually it begins to consume you. Little things become major events, and nuances of the relationship begin to define it. You can't enjoy the good parts of it anymore because you're always wondering what's next to make you question everything again. It's almost emotionally paralyzing, and that's what I saw in Nate tonight.
     The episode also made me remember why I am so grateful for being in the relationship that I am in now. I never question it. I never wonder if I'm really in love. I never worry that something huge will happen to tear things to pieces. I never doubt his feelings for me. And I know this is something so special it is undescribable. He is truely my other half - the perfect complement, my soul mate. It's not that I have to be with him, I want to be. I'm not wearing the rose colored shades here anymore, but I can't imagine the grass being greener anywhere else. The best part is that 4 years into it, I know this is still the beginning.
     I usually don't get this personal on my little blog here, and I don't really feel the need to explain why I have today. But suffice it to say that my relationship is a big part of my life - a fire for the passion I have for life. I felt the need to tell the world once.