Killer Embroidery

     Today I went to Stan Hywet for Mayfair with my mom, sister and her husband. While browsing some of the merchandise they had, a woman tried to sell my mom a magnetic bracelet. She made all kinds of claims about how it would reduce/eliminate pain, increase energy, decrease fatigue, etc, etc. She asked my mom, "Do you have pain?" I thought that was a bit prying for a sales pitch. Basically she said this thing would cure anything you wanted it to. My sister, her husband and I were all trying to get my mom to get away from this incredulous woman. Later my mom said she was mostly staring at the lady's bad makeup job. She also quipped that if she had a hemorrhoid could she stick the magnetic thing up her ass for some relief?
     We then stopped in to see the crafty stuff - mostly needlework, quilting and fabric crafts. They were all very nice, but there were a few rules and they were kinda strangely worded. Like when they didn't want you to touch the items the sign read, "DANGER! Embroidery - Do not touch." I wondered was this embroidery really dangerous? Was it like a Venus fly trap, it would just eat your hand? Ahh! Help! I'm being attacked by embroidery! I'd be found later on the floor with little strings hanging about my body... A gruesome needlework nabbing.
     My sister and I also realized that we are probably bad restaurant patrons. When we go out to eat sometimes, we are gluttons and can't refuse dessert. You know, they show you the pictures and it just looks so good. When we leave and get into the car, we always joke about how full we are and make ghastly groaning noises. AAAAHH! AAARRG! We thought about it today, and people going into the restaurant must think we're sick from the food. I can just see it - "Ooh.. did you hear those people leaving and throwing up? Maybe we shouldn't eat here!"
     The word of the day is "irreverent."